When She Cannot Face Going Into School

Staying away from school can make a child’s anxiety about going in worse, so start working with the school early.

A two-minute read, three things to try, for ages 11 to 16.

Where to start

Ask the school for a plan now, including a named adult for her.
Ask the SENCo whether a need nobody has spotted is making school harder.
If it has lasted several weeks or her mood is flat, talk to your GP as well.
If she tells you that someone is hurting her, stay calm, thank her for telling you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day: tell the school’s designated safeguarding lead, or, if it’s happening outside school, children’s social care or the police. A national child protection helpline will talk it through with you. NSPCC, 0808 800 5000. Email help@nspcc.org.uk. Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. Help is free.
If she has hurt herself, or talks about not wanting to be alive, act that day: ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the crisis line. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000. Help is free, confidential and available at any hour. Whoever answers may share information to arrange care or keep someone safe.
If she is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if she seems well. Call 999. Or go to your nearest A&E. Help is free and available at any hour.

It goes with

What to Do When School Is the Problem. For parents whose child has started dreading school.
Anxiety, by Age. For parents whose child’s worry has started to make decisions for her, with what helps at each age and when to ask for help.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

Anxiety. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
School stress. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.

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If you need help right now

If you or your child is in immediate danger: 999 · Go to your nearest A&E · 24/7.
If either you or your child is in a mental health crisis: NHS 111 · England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 · 24/7.
If your child is under 19 and needs to talk to someone themselves: Childline · 0800 1111 · 24/7 · www.childline.org.uk.
If you are worried that a child is being harmed or is at risk: NSPCC Helpline · 0808 800 5000 · Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. · email help@nspcc.org.uk · www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/our-services/nspcc-helpline · If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999.
If you would prefer to text rather than speak: Shout · Text SHOUT to 85258 · 24/7 · giveusashout.org.
If you or someone you are worried about needs someone to talk to: Samaritans · 116 123 · 24/7 · www.samaritans.org.

If you need help right now

Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.