When a Parent Is Not Expected to Live

Use the words “die” and “dying”, say it in parts, and let your child choose how involved to be.

A two-minute read, three things to try, for children under 18.

Where to start

When the doctors say the time is short, tell your child, using the words “die” and “dying”.
Say it in parts, and tell a teenager when death is close.
Let your child choose whether to visit and say goodbye, and tell the school.
A child may say they want to go with their parent, or to die too. Treat it as talk of not wanting to be alive, even if you are not sure what your child meant. If your child has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day: help them ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. Your child can also talk to someone themselves. Childline, 0800 1111. For anyone under 19 in the UK. There is a one-to-one chat online at https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/1-2-1-counsellor-chat/. Help is free and available at any hour.

The rest of the tip, and why it works, is in the library.

Sources

Marie Curie, Supporting a child or teenager when someone has a terminal illness (2025); Macmillan Cancer Support, Talking to children and teenagers when an adult has cancer (booklet, fifth edition, 2024), pages 60 to 67; Macmillan Cancer Support, What is advanced cancer? (2022); Child Bereavement UK, When someone is not expected to live (2026); Child Bereavement UK, Children’s understanding of death at different ages (2026); NHS, Multiple sclerosis (2024); NHS, Heart failure (2026); Bylund-Grenklo and colleagues, Teenagers want to be told when a parent’s death is near (Acta Oncologica, 2015)

It goes with

When a Parent Is Seriously Ill. For parents whose own serious illness, or the other parent’s, has changed life at home.
When a Child Is Grieving. For parents whose child has lost someone, or something, that was there last week.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

Serious illness in the family. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
Bereavement. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.

The rest of the library

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If you need help right now

If you or your child is in immediate danger: 999 · Go to your nearest A&E · 24/7.
If either you or your child is in a mental health crisis: NHS 111 · England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 · 24/7.
If your child is under 19 and needs to talk to someone themselves: Childline · 0800 1111 · 24/7 · www.childline.org.uk.
If you are worried that a child is being harmed or is at risk: NSPCC Helpline · 0808 800 5000 · Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. · email help@nspcc.org.uk · www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/our-services/nspcc-helpline · If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999.
If you would prefer to text rather than speak: Shout · Text SHOUT to 85258 · 24/7 · giveusashout.org.
If you or someone you are worried about needs someone to talk to: Samaritans · 116 123 · 24/7 · www.samaritans.org.

If you need help right now

Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.