Trauma

Some tips to try

Short pieces from the library, and a first thing to try from each.

• When to Seek Specialist Help for Trauma. Early help shortens recovery, so don’t wait until your child seems sick enough to need it.
  • Ask whether early input would help, not whether your child is sick enough.
  • Take changes that last more than about a month to your GP, and go sooner if they’re getting worse or severe.
  • Go through your GP for community paediatrics, CAMHS and a talking therapy for trauma.
  • Any of these is worth bringing to your GP, and so is distress that is severe at any point, or anything else that worries you.
  • The GP is the way into NHS services, including community paediatrics and CAMHS.
  theparentbook.com/quick-tips/when-to-seek-specialist-help-for-trauma
• Giving Your Child Words for the Hard Thing. A young child rarely has words for something hard; give them a simple phrase for what their body feels.
  • Offer a simple phrase in the car: “Our bodies remember before our heads do.”
  theparentbook.com/quick-tips/giving-your-child-words-for-the-hard-thing
• In the Weeks After Something Frightening. Most teenagers recover from something frightening with the people around them; keep your teenager’s routines going, and let them choose when to talk.
  • Keep to school, meals and a regular bedtime as far as you can.
  • If they’re still very upset a month on, or it’s getting worse, see the GP.
  • Keep to school, meals and a regular bedtime as far as you can. Tell your teenager you’re ready to listen, check in now and then, and let them choose when, how and with whom; some would rather talk to someone outside the family. Don’t ask for the details or push them to go over it: if that is needed, it is work for a trained therapist. Avoid “you’re fine” and “it could have been worse”. If it is being shared online, talk about what they have seen and help them take time away from it. If a sexual image or video is being shared, never view, copy, print, share, store or save it; a screenshot is a copy. Report it to the police. CEOP (the police’s online child protection command). Report at https://www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/.
  • Talk to your GP if, about a month after it happened, your teenager is still very upset and finding it hard to get on with everyday life.
  • If someone is hurting your teenager, or attacked them or did something sexual to them, or could still reach them, stay calm, thank your teenager if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, even if it seems over. If the person lives in your home or your child’s other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. A national child protection helpline will talk it through with you. NSPCC, 0808 800 5000. Email help@nspcc.org.uk. Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. Help is free.
  • If your teenager has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day: ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the crisis line. England, Scotland and Wales: call 111 and choose the mental-health option. Northern Ireland: call Lifeline on 0808 808 8000. Help is free, confidential and available at any hour. Whoever answers may share information to arrange care or keep someone safe.
  theparentbook.com/quick-tips/in-the-weeks-after-something-frightening

The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

Something to do together

A way back to the room. A short noticing game, and for younger children a slow breath traced with a finger. Practise them together on calm days, so your child already knows them on a hard one.

What it is for. In our experience, an anxious child is helped more by something they can do themselves than by reassurance. If they learn this when nothing is wrong, they will already know it on a harder day.

• The first step. Choose a calm day and tell your child what it is: “This is something people do when a worry gets loud. Let’s try it now, while nothing’s wrong.”

Safety. After something frightening, let your child choose their senses, and do not ask them to close their eyes.

When to get help. This is practice, not a treatment. Talk to your GP about recurring panic, worry that stops your child going to school, sleeping or eating, frightening intrusive thoughts, or several weeks of waking in fear. If your child tells you that someone is hurting them, that they are hurting themselves, or that they do not want to be alive, stay calm, thank them for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page.

The other five steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

If you want to read further

• Trauma in Childhood. For parents whose child has been through something hard, or whose family has. theparentbook.com/reader/the-shape-of-trauma-in-childhood

Worth your time

• A book for you: Supporting Traumatized Children and Teenagers, Atle Dyregrov. A Norwegian psychologist’s guide to how children react after frightening events such as accidents, violence or disasters, what parents and schools can do in the first days, and when to seek specialist help.
• A book to read together: A Terrible Thing Happened, Margaret M. Holmes. Sherman saw something terrible, tried to forget it, and found that he got stomach aches and angry. Talking to a helper made things better. The event is never named, so it fits many situations. uk.bookshop.org/p/books/a-terrible-thing-happened-a-story-for-children-who-have-witnessed-violence-or-trauma-margaret-m-holmes/dc3c837eedb042cf
• Something to watch: Childhood Trauma and the Brain | UK Trauma Council, UK Trauma Council, YouTube. An animation explaining how abuse and neglect can change the way a child’s brain processes threat, reward and memory, and how supportive relationships help. Clear and not sensational. www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYBUY1kZpf8
• Something to listen to: How to support children after traumatic events, with Robin Gurwitch, PhD, Speaking of Psychology, 31 min. Psychologist Robin Gurwitch explains how disasters and frightening events affect children, how to support them in the weeks afterwards, and how to talk with them about traumatic news. podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/how-to-support-children-after-traumatic-events-with/id705934263?i=1000727163280

Who else can help

For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.

• Your GP. The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent. Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly. www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp
• Your child’s school. The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the quickest way to get something changed at school. Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.

• Anna Freud. The Anna Freud Centre’s family wellbeing resources: careful, research-led reading on children’s emotional development, separation, self-care for parents, and supporting a child through treatment. When you want depth from a clinical source rather than a quick explainer. Reading only; there is no helpline. www.annafreud.org/resources/family-wellbeing
• NSPCC. The NSPCC helpline is for adults worried about a child. You do not have to be sure, you can call anonymously, and they will tell you whether it needs to go further and help you take that step. When something has been said or seen and you do not know what to do with it. Childline, 0800 1111, is the line for a child to call themselves. NSPCC Helpline (for adults) 0808 800 5000 · Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. · If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/reporting-abuse/nspcc-helpline
• YoungMinds. The UK’s young people’s mental health charity, with a free Parents Helpline, webchat and email, and a plain A to Z of the things parents worry about. When you want to talk through a worry about your child with someone who has heard it before, or read a clear first explanation of a named concern. Not a crisis line. Parents Helpline 0808 802 5544 · Mon, Thu, Fri 9.30am-4pm; Tue, Wed 9.30am-6pm · Webchat Mon-Fri 9.30am-4pm; email parents@youngminds.org.uk · Outside those hours the parents line is closed. The urgent routes on this page are open when it is not. www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline

The full list for trauma, with what each organisation does and when it is the right call, is at theparentbook.com/help/trauma/services