Hands busy, side by side

The activity

Colour, build or make things side by side, each of you on your own thing. Nothing is asked of her, and nothing she makes is marked.

What it is for. Many children find it easier to be near an adult, and sometimes to talk, when both of them have something to do with their hands. She gets to be close to you without having to do or say anything.

• The first step. Put out what you have and start on something of your own. She can join in if she wants to.

Safety. Small bricks and beads are a choking hazard for under-threes; keep them off the floor where a toddler plays.

When to get help. If strong feelings are lasting for several weeks, getting worse, or affecting sleep, eating, friendships or school, talk to her school and your GP. If she tells you, in words or in what she makes, that someone is hurting her, that she is hurting herself, or that she does not want to be alive, do not question her further or interpret it; stay calm, thank her for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

It goes with

• Big Feelings and Co-Regulation. For parents whose child has just had a meltdown, on how to help her through it.
• Trauma in Childhood. For parents whose child has been through something hard, or whose family has.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Co-regulation. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Emotional regulation. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.