Hands busy, side by side

The activity

Colour, build or make things side by side, each of you on your own thing. Nothing is asked of your child, and nothing they make is marked.

What it is for. Many children find it easier to be near an adult, and sometimes to talk, when both of them have something to do with their hands. Your child gets to be close to you without having to do or say anything.

• The first step. Put out what you have and start on something of your own. Your child can join in if they want to.

Safety. Small bricks and beads are a choking hazard for under-threes; keep them off the floor where a toddler plays.

When to get help. If strong feelings are lasting for several weeks, getting worse, or affecting sleep, eating, friendships or school, talk to your child’s school and your GP. If your child has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day: help them ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If your child tells you, in words or in what they make, that someone is hurting them, do not question them further or interpret it; stay calm, thank them for telling you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using those routes; if the person hurting your child lives in your home or your child’s other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. If your child is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if they seem well.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

The sheet that goes with it comes with a subscription: Talking, side by side.

It goes with

• Big Feelings and Co-Regulation. For parents whose child has just had a meltdown, on how to help them through it.
• Trauma in Childhood. For parents whose child has been through something hard, or whose family has.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Co-regulation. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Emotional regulation. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.