An hour off after school

The activity

For the child who holds it together at school and comes apart at home. The first hour back asks nothing of them: something to eat, somewhere to recover, and no questions yet.

What it is for. Some children manage all day at school and let it out when they get home, where they feel safe enough to. The National Autistic Society describes this in autistic children who have spent the school day masking, which means trying to appear non-autistic, and in our work we see it in many other children as well. An hour with no questions and no jobs gives your child a chance to recover before the evening begins.

• The first step. Plan the hour with your child at the weekend, when nobody is tired: what they’d like to eat when they get in, and what helps them after a long day. It might be their room, the sofa, the garden, a den, drawing or a programme they know well.

Safety. If your child has a medical condition that affects what or when they eat, such as diabetes, the after-school snack follows their care plan.

When to get help. If your child falls apart after school on most days for several weeks, it is getting worse, or they have started to dread school or say they can’t go, talk to their class teacher or the SENCo, and to your GP. If you have been wondering whether your child might be autistic or have ADHD, those same conversations are where an assessment starts. If your child has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day: help them ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If your child tells you that someone is hurting them, stay calm, thank them for telling you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using those routes; if the person hurting your child lives in your home or your child’s other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. If your child is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if they seem well.

The other five steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

The sheet that goes with it comes with a subscription: The first hour home.

It goes with

• Neurodiversity, and the Conversation with the School. For parents whose child has been working harder and longer than other children to do things that come more easily to them.
• What to Do When School Is the Problem. For parents whose child has started dreading school.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Neurodiversity. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• School stress. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.