An hour off after school

The activity

For the child who holds it together at school and comes apart at home. The first hour back asks nothing of her: something to eat, somewhere to recover, and no questions yet.

What it is for. Some children manage all day at school and let it out when they get home, where they feel safe enough to. The National Autistic Society describes this in autistic children who have spent the school day masking, which means trying to appear non-autistic, and in our work we see it in many other children as well. An hour with no questions and no jobs gives her a chance to recover before the evening begins.

• The first step. Plan the hour with her at the weekend, when nobody is tired: what she’d like to eat when she gets in, and what helps her after a long day. It might be her room, the sofa, the garden, drawing, a bath or a programme she knows well.

Safety. If she has a medical condition that affects what or when she eats, such as diabetes, the after-school snack follows her care plan.

When to get help. If she falls apart after school on most days for several weeks, it is getting worse, or she has started to dread school or say she can’t go, talk to her class teacher or the SENCo, and to your GP. If you have been wondering whether she might be autistic or have ADHD, those same conversations are where an assessment starts. If she tells you that someone is hurting her, that she is hurting herself, or that she does not want to be alive, stay calm, thank her for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page.

The other five steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

It goes with

• Neurodiversity, and the Conversation with the School. For parents whose child has been working harder and longer than other children to do things that come more easily to them.
• What to Do When School Is the Problem. For parents whose child has started dreading school.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Neurodiversity. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• School stress. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.