When She Does Not Want to Go

Where to start

• Ask when nothing is packed: “What’s the hard part about going?”
• If she says anything that suggests she isn’t safe there, report it to children’s social care that day.
• If what she tells you suggests she isn’t safe there, or that someone there is hurting her, it is a safeguarding matter. Stay calm, thank her for telling you, tell her it isn’t her fault, and do not promise to keep it secret. Don’t confront anyone she says is hurting her; the NSPCC’s advice is that it could make things worse for her. Write down what she said as soon as you can, keeping as close to her words as possible.
• Report it that day to children’s social care for the area where she lives, which is the route both Cafcass and Action for Children give. Get advice before you send her back, and if there is a court order, get legal advice before you change the arrangements. There is a helpline for any adult worried about a child. NSPCC, 0808 800 5000. Email help@nspcc.org.uk. Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. Help is free. If she is in danger now, use the routes below, which include one she can use herself.

The rest of the tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

It goes with

• When Parents Separate. For parents in the middle of a separation who are watching closely to see how their child is coping.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Separation and divorce. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Co-parenting. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.