The Secrets She Can Always Tell

Where to start

• When a surprise comes up, say: “Surprises get told in the end.”
• Young children love secrets, and most of theirs are harmless: what is in the box for Granny’s birthday, the den behind the shed. The NSPCC’s Underwear Rule teaches children that there are good and bad secrets. A good secret is a surprise, like a present or a party, and it gets told in the end. A bad secret makes her feel sad, worried or frightened, and she can always tell you about it.
• If she tells you that someone has touched her, hurt her or asked her to keep a secret about her body, stay calm, thank her for telling you, tell her it isn’t her fault, and don’t promise to keep it secret: tell her you will need to tell someone whose job is to keep children safe. Don’t question her further or confront the person, and act that day. If the person lives in your home or her other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. Act that day too if what she tells you suggests that another child is being hurt. A national child protection helpline will talk it through with you. NSPCC, 0808 800 5000. Email help@nspcc.org.uk. Mon-Fri 10am-4pm by phone; email 11am-4pm, seven days a week. An email sent when the service is closed is not received. If the NSPCC service is closed and the concern cannot wait, call the police on 101. You can also contact the child’s local out-of-hours children’s social care, social work or social services team. If a child is in immediate danger, call 999. Help is free.
• If she is in danger right now, don’t wait. Call 999. Help is free and available at any hour.

The rest of the tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

It goes with

• The Conversations Parents Avoid. For parents who need to tell their child something hard and don’t know how to start.

The first chapter you open here is free to read in full.

Free on this subject

• Safeguarding. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.
• Difficult conversations. What to do first, what helps, and who else can help. Free to read and to print.