Money worries

Some tips to try

Short pieces from the library, and a first thing to try from each.

• Pocket Money That Teaches Something. Give it regularly, let your child decide how to spend it, and let the mistakes happen.
  • Give pocket money regularly, on the same day, even if it’s only a little.
  theparentbook.com/quick-tips/pocket-money-that-teaches-something
• When the School Fees Become Hard to Pay. Bursaries are limited and every school sets its own rules, so the conversation with the bursar is best had early.
  • Talk to the bursar before you fall behind, with your questions written down.
  • Tell the form tutor the family is under strain, and keep the figures from your child.
  • If the money worry has spread beyond the fees, free debt advice is the next step. A national debt charity gives free, regulated advice online or by phone across the UK. StepChange Debt Charity, 0800 138 1111. Mon-Fri 8am-8pm; Sat 9am-2pm. Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. Help is free.
  theparentbook.com/quick-tips/when-the-school-fees-become-hard-to-pay
• When the School Trip Costs Too Much. Ask the school about help with the cost before you say no, and plan for the week the others are away.
  • Ask the school privately, before you say no, whether there is help with the cost.
  • If a change in your child’s mood or behaviour lasts for several weeks, gets worse, or begins to affect sleep, eating or school, talk to their school and your GP.
  theparentbook.com/quick-tips/when-the-school-trip-costs-too-much

The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

Something to do together

A jar for now and a jar for later. Two jars, a regular amount and one thing to save for, so that your child learns to choose, to wait, and to live with what they chose.

What it is for. Children learn about money by handling it: choosing, waiting, and finding that money once spent is gone. Two jars and a regular amount give your child that experience every week, with sums low enough that a mistake costs very little. It needs no extra money, so it suits any family, including one where money is tight, and it gives your child something about money that is theirs to decide.

• The first step. Choose the amount you will give each week, and the day. It doesn’t need to be new money: if money is tight, use what you already spend on your child’s sweets and comics, so the activity costs nothing extra.

Safety. If there are children under five in the house, keep the jars, the coins and any buttons out of their reach.

When to get help. If your child has hurt themselves, or talks about not wanting to be alive, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day: help them ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If your child tells you that someone is hurting them, stay calm, thank them for telling you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using those routes; if the person hurting your child lives in your home or your child’s other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police. A child protection helpline, listed under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page, will talk it through with you. If your child is badly hurt, or may have taken too much of a medicine, get medical help straight away, even if they seem well. If a change in your child’s mood or behaviour lasts for several weeks, gets worse, or begins to affect sleep, eating or school, talk to their school and your GP. If worry about money has become more than you can manage yourself, start with free debt advice, and if you have thoughts of not wanting to be alive, use the routes under “If you need help right now” straight away.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

If you want to read further

• When Money Is Tight. For parents whose family is under financial strain, and for any parent wondering how much to tell a child about money. theparentbook.com/reader/when-money-is-tight

Worth your time

• A book for you: Scarcity, Sendhil Mullainathan and Eldar Shafir. An economist and a psychologist on why having too little, of money or of time, affects how people think and cope. It is not a parenting book. A parent under financial strain may find it explains why everything has felt harder, and blame themselves less for it.
• A book to read together: Last Stop on Market Street, Matt de la Peña. On the bus across the city, CJ asks why his family can’t drive a car like his friends’ families do, and his nana shows him what is good in the life they have. A picture book for the young child who has started to notice that some friends have more.

Who else can help

Start with free debt advice, and Citizens Advice for benefits, housing and work; then tell the school, which sees your child every day; and see the GP if you are still feeling worried, anxious or low after a few weeks, or, in England, refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies.

• MoneyHelper. The government-backed free money guidance service, including a debt advice locator. When money is part of what is happening at home. Children read household stress long before anyone explains it to them. www.moneyhelper.org.uk
• Citizens Advice. Free, independent advice on the practical layer: housing, benefits, debt, employment, and your rights when a family separates. When the worry is partly a practical problem wearing an emotional coat. Solving the practical part often lowers the temperature at home more than anything else will. www.citizensadvice.org.uk

• StepChange Debt Charity. Free debt advice by phone or online, and a short guide to telling children what the household cannot afford. When money is part of what is happening at home. Start online if the phone queue is long. For wider money guidance, MoneyHelper is the other place to look. StepChange Helpline 0800 138 1111 · Mon-Fri 8am-8pm; Sat 9am-2pm · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. www.stepchange.org/contact-us.aspx
• National Debtline (run by the Money Advice Trust). You get free, confidential debt advice from a charity, by phone or webchat, or at any hour through its online tool, My Money Steps, with a library of sample letters. When bills or debts have fallen behind and you want a plan, and you live in England, Wales or Scotland. National Debtline 0808 808 4000 · Mon-Fri 9am-8pm; Sat 9.30am-1pm · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. nationaldebtline.org/get-help
• Citizens Advice. Free, confidential advice on benefits, work, debt, housing and family matters, by phone, webchat or at your local Citizens Advice, in England and Wales. When you need to know what help you are entitled to, or what to do first about rent, council tax or energy bills you cannot pay. Adviceline (England) and Advicelink (Wales) 0800 144 8848 · England Adviceline Mon-Fri 9am-5pm; Wales Advicelink Mon-Fri 8am-7pm, Sat 9am-1pm; debt helpline Mon-Fri 9am-8pm, Sat 9.30am-1pm; closed public holidays · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/contact-us

The full list for money worries, with what each organisation does and when it is the right call, is at theparentbook.com/help/money-worries/services