The Parent Book.
Therapist-written support for parents
Takeaway
One-page summary
One-page summary
When a Child Is Grieving
A chapter for parents whose child has lost something, or someone, that was there last week.
From the full chapter at theparentbook.com/reader/when-something-is-lost
What helps a grieving child
Grief in childhood does not consent to calendars. The work is to make the loss namable and to let her come to it at her own pace.
- Make the loss namable. The grandfather’s name spoken occasionally in the kitchen, without ceremony, teaches her that the dead can be talked about. The silence does more damage than the talking ever does.
- Keep a small token visible. A photograph on the shelf, the cat’s collar in a drawer she knows about. Not a shrine; a permission that says this happened and we do not pretend it did not.
- Offer the choice and accept the answer. The funeral she does not want to attend, the anniversary conversation she does not want to have. The child who says no is protecting herself, accurately.
- Say the honest sentence. “I do not know why this happened, and I am very sad about it too” lands where “a better place” does not. It puts you in the same room as the loss.
Urgent help
If you or your child is in immediate danger, call 999. If you, or your child, is in mental health crisis, call NHS 111 and choose the mental-health option in England, Scotland and Wales, or Lifeline, free and confidential on 0808 808 8000, in Northern Ireland. Every other helpline, including Childline, Papyrus, NSPCC, Shout and Samaritans, is at theparentbook.com/urgent-help.