Neurodiversity

Some tips to try

Short pieces from the library, and a first thing to try from each.

• Before You Choose a Private Clinic. Ask five questions before you pay, and be wary of any clinic that can’t answer them.
  • Ask: who is doing it, what is their registration, and is it multidisciplinary.
  theparentbook.com/quick-tips/before-you-choose-a-private-clinic
• Making Home Easier on Your Child’s Senses. By bath time your child has been processing sensory input for eleven hours, and a few changes at home help.
  • Fit a dimmer or a warmer-coloured bulb where your child spends the after-school hour.
  theparentbook.com/quick-tips/small-adjustments-in-everyday-rooms
• The Child Who Reads the World Differently. Your child experiences the world differently from you, and it helps to find out how.
  • Adjust to your child’s differences gradually; don’t rush to correct them.
  theparentbook.com/quick-tips/the-child-who-reads-the-world-differently

The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

Something to do together

An hour off after school. For the child who holds it together at school and comes apart at home. The first hour back asks nothing of them: something to eat, somewhere to recover, and no questions yet.

What it is for. Some children manage all day at school and let it out when they get home, where they feel safe enough to. The National Autistic Society describes this in autistic children who have spent the school day masking, which means trying to appear non-autistic, and in our work we see it in many other children as well. An hour with no questions and no jobs gives your child a chance to recover before the evening begins.

• The first step. Plan the hour with your child at the weekend, when nobody is tired: what they’d like to eat when they get in, and what helps them after a long day. It might be their room, the sofa, the garden, a den, drawing or a programme they know well.

Safety. If your child has a medical condition that affects what or when they eat, such as diabetes, the after-school snack follows their care plan.

When to get help. If your child falls apart after school on most days for several weeks, it is getting worse, or they have started to dread school or say they can’t go, talk to their class teacher or the SENCo, and to your GP. If you have been wondering whether your child might be autistic or have ADHD, those same conversations are where an assessment starts. If your child tells you that someone is hurting them, that they are hurting themselves, or that they do not want to be alive, stay calm, thank them for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page.

The other five steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

If you want to read further

• Neurodiversity, and the Conversation with the School. For parents whose child has been working harder and longer than other children to do things that come more easily to them. theparentbook.com/reader/neurodiversity-and-the-conversation-with-the-school
• The Child Who Saves It All for Home. A chapter for parents whose child is fine at school and furious at home. theparentbook.com/reader/the-child-who-saves-it-all-for-home

Worth your time

• A book for you: Differently Wired, Deborah Reber. The founder of TiLT Parenting writes for parents of children with ADHD, autism, giftedness or learning differences, setting out eighteen shifts in thinking, from dropping comparison to advocating calmly. uk.bookshop.org/p/books/differently-wired-a-parent-s-guide-to-raising-an-atypical-child-with-confidence-and-hope-deborah-reber/703bc5c83084704b
• A book to read together: The Illustrated Guide to Dyslexia and Its Amazing People, Kate Power and Kathy Iwanczak Forsyth. A colourful, visual guide to how a dyslexic brain works, its challenges and strengths, with profiles of successful dyslexic people. Designed with dyslexic readers in mind. On the Reading Well list. uk.bookshop.org/p/books/the-illustrated-guide-to-dyslexia-and-its-amazing-people-kate-power/ff5e021ac3d5a782
• Something to watch: What is an EHCP and who is it for?, Council for Disabled Children, YouTube. A clear animation explaining what an Education, Health and Care Plan is, who it is for and how the assessment process works in England. www.youtube.com/watch?v=ughC-a5RhAc
• Something to listen to: EHCPs - an expert guide, Anna Maxwell Martin, SEND in the Spotlight, 37 min. A guide to getting an Education, Health and Care Plan in England: how to apply and what a plan means, with a mother who has just been through the process and the BBC’s education reporter. podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/ehcps-an-expert-guide-anna-maxwell-martin/id1857606106?i=1000741310042

Who else can help

Assessment usually begins at school rather than at the surgery. The GP is the referral route, but a school that has already tried and recorded support makes everything after it faster.

• The SENCo at your child’s school. The member of staff responsible for special educational needs. They hold the assessment routes, the in-school support, and the paperwork an EHCP needs. Ask for a meeting in writing, and ask what is already being tried under the graduated approach. This conversation usually has to happen before anything statutory can.
• Your local SENDIASS. The free, impartial SEND information, advice and support service every local authority in England must provide: SEN support, EHC needs assessments, exclusions, and what to do when you and the school disagree. As soon as special educational needs are in the picture. Search your borough’s name with SENDIASS, or use the national finder. councilfordisabledchildren.org.uk/about-us-0/networks/information-advice-and-support-services-network/find-your-local-ias-service

• Contact (for families with disabled children). The charity for families with a disabled child, whether or not there is a diagnosis yet. A free helpline, webchat, benefits advice and local groups. In the early days after a diagnosis, or while you are still waiting for one, when you need someone warm and practical. Contact Helpline 0808 808 3555 · Mon-Fri 9.30am-5pm (Tue opens 10.15am) · Webchat and an online enquiry form via the website; bookable Listening Ear calls contact.org.uk/help-for-families/information-advice-services/our-helpline
• National Autistic Society. The UK’s autism charity. A large advice hub, a directory of autism services near you, an online community, and a one-off support call from another parent of an autistic child, arranged through the website. From the first suspicion through assessment and after. There is no phone helpline to ring; the parent-to-parent call takes up to twelve working days to arrange. By arrangement, requested through the website · Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline: confidential one-off call staffed by parents of autistic children; arranged via the website. www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support
• ADHD UK. A national ADHD charity with free online support groups, including one for parents, plain guides to getting a child assessed and to the SEND system, and template letters for exam access arrangements. When you suspect ADHD, while you wait for assessment, and when school needs a nudge. Use the free groups; the paid course is not what we are pointing you to. Nor is the coaching marketplace on their site. adhduk.co.uk

The full list for neurodiversity, with what each organisation does and when it is the right call, is at theparentbook.com/help/neurodiversity/services