Child development

Some tips to try

Short pieces from the library, and a first thing to try from each.

• Talking With Your Baby Before They Have Words. Long before their first words, your baby is taking turns: answer their sounds and faces, name what they look at, and leave a gap for their reply.
  • Name what your baby’s looking at, then wait for their turn.
  • If you’re worried about your child’s talking or understanding, or they don’t seem to react to sounds or voices, speak to your health visitor or GP.
  theparentbook.com/quick-tips/talking-with-your-baby-before-they-have-words
• The Late Talker. If your child is three and not talking like other children, there is an established route to help.
  • Use the existing UK pathway: health visitor, GP, local speech and language service.
  • You can reach the health visitor, the GP and the local authority’s speech and language therapy service through a referral from the nursery or one you make yourself.
  theparentbook.com/quick-tips/when-the-language-has-not-yet-come
• The Party Your Child Needs to Leave. Some children run out of social energy long before the party ends, and going home is how they recover.
  • Let your child leave when they need to, without treating them as unusual.
  theparentbook.com/quick-tips/the-party-your-child-needs-to-leave

The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

Something to do together

Back and forth. When your child looks, points, babbles or reaches, answer it, name it and wait for their turn: a few moments of back and forth, many times a day.

What it is for. Babies and toddlers learn to talk, and learn that they are heard, through back and forth with the people who look after them: a child makes a sound, a face or a point, and an adult answers. These everyday exchanges are linked with how children’s language develops, and they fit into moments you already have.

• The first step. Notice what your child is interested in: what they are looking at, pointing at, reaching for or babbling about. That is their turn.

Safety. If your child’s crying ever makes you feel you might lose control, put them in their cot or pram, make sure they are safe, close the door and go into another room to calm yourself down. However frustrated you feel, never shake them.

When to get help. Children learn to talk at different ages. If you’re worried about your child’s talking or understanding, or they don’t seem to react to sounds or voices, speak to your health visitor or GP, or contact your local speech and language therapy service. Tell them too if your child rarely responds to their name or rarely shows you what they are interested in. If you find it hard to enjoy your child or to feel close to them, or you feel low most days, talk to your health visitor or GP: it is common, and they can help. If you have thoughts of harming yourself or your child, or of not wanting to be alive, act that day: ask the surgery for an urgent appointment, and if it is closed, use the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page. If you think someone is harming your child, or your child tells you something that worries you, stay calm, thank them if they have told you, don’t promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the same routes; if the person lives in your home or your child’s other home, go straight to children’s social care or the police.

The other four steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

If you want to read further

• Anxiety, by Age. For parents of a child whose worry has started to make decisions for them, with what helps at each age and when to ask for help. theparentbook.com/reader/anxiety-by-age
• Puberty, and the Body That Gets There First. A chapter for parents whose child’s body has started to change, perhaps sooner than either of them expected. theparentbook.com/reader/puberty-and-the-body-that-gets-there-first

Worth your time

• A book for you: The Philosophical Baby, Alison Gopnik. A developmental psychologist explores what babies and young children are really doing when they play, pretend and imagine, and why their minds are so good at learning. Reflective rather than practical. uk.bookshop.org/p/books/the-philosophical-baby-what-children-s-minds-tell-us-about-truth-love-the-meaning-of-life-alison-gopnik/a7ee68859323990b
• A book to read together: Blame My Brain: The Amazing Teenage Brain Revealed, Nicola Morgan. Nicola Morgan explains, with humour and sound science, why the teenage brain is still under construction, from shifting sleep to risk taking. Reassuring for a teenager who feels out of step, and useful for parents too. uk.bookshop.org/p/books/blame-my-brain-the-amazing-teenage-brain-revealed-the-ultimate-bestselling-guide-to-teenage-behaviour-and-mental-health-packed-with-advice-for-teens-a/3faccd95aef097dc
• Something to watch: Experiences Build Brain Architecture, Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, YouTube. A short animation explaining that the brain is built over time, from the bottom up, and that early relationships and experiences shape whether that foundation is sturdy or fragile. www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNNsN9IJkws
• Something to listen to: The Teenage Brain Explained with Prof Sarah-Jayne Blakemore, MQ Open Mind, 60 min. Cambridge neuroscientist Sarah-Jayne Blakemore explains how the adolescent brain develops, why friends and social belonging matter so much to teenagers, and what this means for families and schools. podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-teenage-brain-explained-with-prof-sarah/id1271690765?i=1000732726710

Who else can help

For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.

• Your GP. The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent. Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly. www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp
• Your child’s school. The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the quickest way to get something changed at school. Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.

• NHS Best Start in Life (Start for Life). The NHS’s pages for pregnancy, babies and toddlers: feeding, sleep, bonding, potty training, early learning and school readiness, plus your local Family Hub. For the under-fives, as the first place to check. www.nhs.uk/start-for-life
• NCT (National Childbirth Trust). The early-years charity. Calm, evidence-based pages on toddlers, sleep and development, local groups, and a daily infant feeding line. For the under-fives. The phone line is for feeding questions; everything else is on the site and in the groups. Charged at your standard call rate, not free. NCT Infant Feeding Line 0300 330 0700 · Every day 8am-midnight www.nct.org.uk/information
• Action for Children Parent Talk. A free one-to-one webchat with a trained parenting coach, and a library of articles by age on behaviour, sleep, neurodiversity and family life. When you want to talk it through with someone in writing, this week, without a referral. Free one-to-one webchat with a parenting coach, Mon-Fri, with evening slots on Mon and Thu; check the site for current times · Parent Talk+ by phone or video for parents of children with additional needs, up to eight free sessions parents.actionforchildren.org.uk

The full list for child development, with what each organisation does and when it is the right call, is at theparentbook.com/help/child-development/services