The Parent Book.
Therapist-written support for parents
Urgent help

← Everything on ADHD

The Parent Book.
Therapist-written support for parents
What helps
ADHD

ADHD

Some children are diagnosed early and others much later, and the child diagnosed late is often a girl who was missed for years. These pages are for the parent before the assessment and after it, and for the parent whose child is learning to work with the brain they have, which may not be the one the school expected.

What the library says about this, in one place. It is also online at theparentbook.com/help/adhd

What to do first

ADHD is a difference in how attention and impulse are regulated. It isn’t a sign of too little effort or too little parenting, and children with it are usually trying harder than the children around them.

  1. Change the environment before you try to change the child: give one instruction at a time, write it down where you can, and have a fixed place for things.
  2. Ask the school for a SENCo meeting, and ask what adjustments are already in place.
  3. See the GP about the assessment route, and take the school’s account with you. Waits are long, so start now, and don’t wait for the assessment before starting the adjustments.

Some tips to try

Short pieces from the library, and a first thing to try from each.

The rest of each tip, with more to try and why it works, is in the library.

Something to do together

Getting out of the door. A short list by the door, made with your child, of the things that go with them each morning. Your child ticks each one off as it goes in the bag, and you point at the list instead of reminding them.

What it is for. Some children can be told what to take every morning and still leave without it. For a child with ADHD, keeping a list in their head while everything else is going on is especially hard. A list by the door puts the reminder where they need it, so that you can point at it instead of saying it all again.

  • The first step. On a calm evening, ask your child what gets left behind: “What are the things that always go missing in the mornings?” Make the list from their answers, in their words: three or four things, not eight.

Safety. An inhaler, an adrenaline pen or any medicine your child needs is checked by an adult every morning, whoever packs the bag. It is never left to the list.

When to get help. If mornings are still a battle after several weeks with the list, if your child is losing and forgetting things at school as well as at home and it is affecting their work or friendships, or if you have been wondering whether your child has ADHD, talk to one of their teachers or the SENCo, and to your GP. If your child dreads going, or mornings bring stomach aches or tears about school, talk to their school, and take them to the GP if the stomach aches keep coming back. If your child tells you that someone is hurting them, that they are hurting themselves, or that they do not want to be alive, stay calm, thank them for telling you, do not promise to keep it secret, and act that day, using the routes under “If you need help right now”, at the foot of every page.

The other five steps, and your part in it, are in the library.

If you want to read further

Worth your time

Who else can help

Assessment usually begins at school rather than at the surgery. The GP is the referral route, but a school that has already tried and recorded support makes everything after it faster.

  • The SENCo at your child’s school. The member of staff responsible for special educational needs. They hold the assessment routes, the in-school support, and the paperwork an EHCP needs. Ask for a meeting in writing, and ask what is already being tried under the graduated approach. This conversation usually has to happen before anything statutory can.
  • Your local SENDIASS. The free, impartial SEND information, advice and support service every local authority in England must provide: SEN support, EHC needs assessments, exclusions, and what to do when you and the school disagree. As soon as special educational needs are in the picture. Search your borough’s name with SENDIASS, or use the national finder. councilfordisabledchildren.org.uk/about-us-0/networks/information-advice-and-support-services-network/find-your-local-ias-service
  • ADHD UK. A national ADHD charity with free online support groups, including one for parents, plain guides to getting a child assessed and to the SEND system, and template letters for exam access arrangements. When you suspect ADHD, while you wait for assessment, and when school needs a nudge. Use the free groups; the paid course is not what we are pointing you to. Nor is the coaching marketplace on their site. adhduk.co.uk
  • Contact (for families with disabled children). The charity for families with a disabled child, whether or not there is a diagnosis yet. A free helpline, webchat, benefits advice and local groups. In the early days after a diagnosis, or while you are still waiting for one, when you need someone warm and practical. Contact Helpline 0808 808 3555 · Mon-Fri 9.30am-5pm (Tue opens 10.15am) · Webchat and an online enquiry form via the website; bookable Listening Ear calls contact.org.uk/help-for-families/information-advice-services/our-helpline
  • IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice). Free, independent legal advice on special educational needs in England: SEN support, EHC needs assessments and plans, exclusions and tribunal appeals. A call-in helpline and bookable advice appointments. When the school or the local authority has stopped moving and you need to know what the law says they must do. The SEND systems in Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland work differently. IPSEA Advice Line and Call-in Helpline 0300 222 5899 · Triage Tue 9.30am-12.30pm; Call-in Helpline Wed 9.30am-2.30pm www.ipsea.org.uk/get-support

The full list for ADHD, with what each organisation does and when it is the right call, is at theparentbook.com/help/adhd/services

Published by Kensington Square Therapy. Company No. 16707111. Written by therapists registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS). This page is not therapy, and not a substitute for professional support. The full library is at theparentbook.com.