Sibling conflict

Where to start

For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.

• Your child’s school. The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the fastest route to a change that helps. Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
• Your GP. The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent. Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly. www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp
• Private therapy, if you can meet the cost. A registered counsellor or psychotherapist, found through the BACP or NCPS directories. Waiting lists are shorter than the NHS and you choose who your child sits with. When waiting is the problem, or when you want a particular kind of help. What to look for, and what to expect, is set out at theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist

For sibling conflict

• Family Lives. A free confidential helpline for any parenting concern. I send parents here when the question is about them, not about the child. When the chapter is about the experience of parenting itself, the family system, or a parent who needs to be listened to. Particularly strong for bullying and for the parent who is holding things together at the edge of their capacity. Family Lives confidential helpline 0808 800 2222 · Mon-Fri 9am-9pm; weekends 10am-3pm · Live chat Mon-Fri 10.30am-9pm; WhatsApp 07441 444125; email askus@familylives.org.uk www.familylives.org.uk
• Place2Be. School-based counselling charity. Their Parenting Smart articles are written by school-based counsellors and are my default for primary-age concerns. When the chapter is about primary-age (5-to-11) social or emotional concerns, particularly anything school-anchored. The Parenting Smart articles on friendship, behaviour and routines are the strongest sub-resource. parentingsmart.place2be.org.uk

If a sibling is disabled or has a long-term condition

• Sibs. The UK charity for people who grow up with a disabled brother or sister, or a sibling with a serious long-term condition. The specialist line we send parents to where the well sibling has begun to need her own support. Any chapter or tip on the experience of the well sibling: the quietness, the explanations not given, the resentment at eleven, the older sibling’s eventual carer-role. Sibs also offers information services calibrated for children aged 7-17 at youngsibs.org.uk. Charged at your standard call rate, not free. Contact by web form www.sibs.org.uk

If you are parenting twins or more

• Twins Trust. The UK’s only charity dedicated to families with twins, triplets and more, formerly known as Tamba. The right line for the parent doing twin-parenting in a way her friends with one child cannot quite read. Quick tips and chapters where twin-specific dynamics are in play: the early-years exhaustion, the comparison trap between twins, the moment one twin is going through something the other is not. The helpline is staffed by twin parents themselves, which is the texture this audience needs. Staffed by parents of multiples. You do not need to be a member. Twins Trust Helpline 0800 138 0509 · Mon-Thu 10am-1pm and 7pm-10pm. No longer open on Fridays. twinstrust.org

If you are considering private therapy

Waiting lists are long. If you can meet the cost, a registered therapist can usually be seen in weeks rather than months. Both registers below are accredited by the Professional Standards Authority, which is the thing to check before anything else.

• BACP Therapist Directory. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy’s public register. Search by area, by what you are bringing, and by whether the therapist works with children. www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists
• NCPS Therapist Directory. The National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society’s register. Every therapist listed is qualified, supervised, insured, and accountable to a code of ethics. ncps.com/find-a-counsellor
• Kensington Square Therapy. Our own practice. We work with children, young people and parents, in the room at 23 Kensington Square, online, and inside schools we partner with. www.kst.ltd

What to look for in a therapist, what a first session is like, and the questions worth asking before you commit, are set out at theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist

Everything else

The full directory, across every subject, is at theparentbook.com/services. If a number here has changed, please tell us at hello@theparentbook.com and we will correct it.