Serious illness in the family

Where to start

This usually starts at school, which sees your child every day; the council is the route to a young carer’s needs assessment, and to a carer’s assessment for the adult at home; the GP is there if your child’s distress lasts or deepens; and Citizens Advice can help with benefits, work and money.

• Your child’s school. The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the quickest way to get something changed at school. Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
• Your local authority. The council’s children’s services and SEND team. They hold statutory assessment, the Local Offer, and early help for families who need more than a school can give. In England it must also arrange a young carer’s needs assessment if your child or you ask for one, and a carer’s assessment for an adult who gives regular care. When school-level support has been tried and is not enough, or when you want to know what your area actually provides. www.gov.uk/find-local-council
• Your GP. The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent. Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly. www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp
• Citizens Advice. Free, independent advice on the practical layer: housing, benefits, debt, employment, and your rights when a family separates. When the worry is partly a practical problem wearing an emotional coat. Solving the practical part often lowers the temperature at home more than anything else will. www.citizensadvice.org.uk

For serious illness in the family

• Macmillan Cancer Support. The clearest UK guide to telling children about a parent’s cancer, age by age, and a free daily support line with nurses on the same number. When a diagnosis has arrived and you are rehearsing how to say it. Macmillan Support Line 0808 808 00 00 · Every day 8am-8pm · Online chat every day 8am-7.45pm; email through the online form, answered within two working days; the advisers on the line include cancer information specialist nurses · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/diagnosis/talking-about-cancer/talking-to-children-and-teenagers
• The Children’s Society Young Carers Service. The Children’s Society’s young carers programme, with a finder for the young carers’ service in your area. When your child has taken on caring for someone at home; the young carers’ project nearest you is the thing to find. Charged at your standard call rate, not free. Include (Children’s Society Young Carers) 01962 711 511 · Mon-Fri 9am-5pm · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. www.childrenssociety.org.uk/information/young-people/young-carers
• Hope Support Services. Free one-to-one support for your child, aged five to twenty-five, by video or audio call, messaging or email, while someone they love has a serious illness; you refer them on Hope’s website, where a young person can also refer themselves. Once your child knows about the diagnosis and is finding it hard, at any point from then on, though it is not a 24-hour service. hopesupport.org.uk/support
• Carers UK. The UK’s carers’ charity. A free weekday helpline and email advice on benefits, carers’ assessments, work and local services. When you are caring for a partner, parent or child alongside everything else and need to know what you are entitled to. Carers UK Helpline 0808 808 7777 · Mon-Fri 9am-6pm, including bank holidays · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/helpline-and-other-support
• Child Bereavement UK (incorporating Winston’s Wish). The UK’s children’s bereavement charity, now including Winston’s Wish. A free helpline, live chat and WhatsApp, and bookable calls with a bereavement specialist, for grieving children and young people up to twenty-five and for families where a child has died. As early as you like after a death, and again later if the grief resurfaces. They will also know what exists near you. Child Bereavement UK helpline 0800 02 888 40 · Mon-Fri 8am-8pm, except bank holidays · Live chat and email via the website; WhatsApp or text 07418 341800 · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. www.childbereavementuk.org/Pages/Category/child-bereavement-uk-support-services
• Marie Curie. You can talk to Marie Curie free, by phone, web chat or email, about anything to do with a terminal illness, and read its guide to helping a child or teenager when someone close to them is dying. When someone in your family has a terminal illness, or has died, and you want to talk through what is happening, or what to tell the children, with someone at Marie Curie. Marie Curie Support Line 0800 090 2309 · Mon-Fri 8am-6pm; weekends 10am-4pm · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. www.mariecurie.org.uk/information/end-of-life/supporting-child-teenager-when-someone-has-terminal-illness
• Coram Family Lives. A free, confidential helpline for any parenting or family worry, by phone, live chat, WhatsApp or email, staffed by trained family support workers. When you need to talk it through with someone, about your child or about how you are managing, and you do not need a specialist to do it. Coram Family Lives helpline 0808 800 2222 · Mon-Fri 9am-9pm; weekends 10am-3pm; closed bank holidays · Live chat and WhatsApp 07441 444125 at the same hours; email askus@coramfamilylives.org.uk · Outside those hours the line is closed. Samaritans answer at any hour on 116 123, and Shout answer if you text the word SHOUT to 85258. www.coramfamilylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/confidential-helpline
• NHS: mental health advice for parents and carers. The NHS’s pages for parents, in one place: anxiety, low mood, anger, bereavement, arguments with teenagers, exam stress, and how to talk about feelings. When you want the NHS’s own account before anyone else’s. www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/advice-for-parents

If a parent has an incurable cancer diagnosis

• Ruth Strauss Foundation. Free one-to-one appointments by video, or by phone if you prefer, with the foundation’s family support team, to help you prepare your children when a parent has a cancer that can’t be cured. When you or your child’s other parent has been told the cancer can’t be cured and your youngest child is under twenty-five; you refer yourself on the website, wherever you live in the UK. ruthstraussfoundation.com/info-and-support/support

If you are considering private therapy

Waiting lists are long. If you can meet the cost, a registered therapist can usually be seen in weeks rather than months. Both registers below are accredited by the Professional Standards Authority, which is the thing to check before anything else.

• BACP Therapist Directory. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy’s public register. Search by area, by what you are bringing, and by whether the therapist works with children. www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists
• NCPS Therapist Directory. The National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society’s register. Every therapist listed is qualified, supervised, insured, and accountable to a code of ethics. ncps.com/find-a-counsellor
• Kensington Square Therapy. Our own practice. We work with children, young people and parents, in person in London, online, and inside schools we partner with. www.kst.ltd

What to look for in a therapist, what a first session is like, and the questions worth asking before you commit, are set out at theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist

Everything else

The full directory, across every subject, is at theparentbook.com/services. If a number here has changed, please tell us at hello@theparentbook.com and we will correct it.