Difficult conversations

Where to start

For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.

• Your child’s school. The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the fastest route to a change that helps. Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
• Your GP. The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent. Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly. www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp
• Private therapy, if you can meet the cost. A registered counsellor or psychotherapist, found through the BACP or NCPS directories. Waiting lists are shorter than the NHS and you choose who your child sits with. When waiting is the problem, or when you want a particular kind of help. What to look for, and what to expect, is set out at theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist

For difficult conversations

• Family Lives. A free confidential helpline for any parenting concern. I send parents here when the question is about them, not about the child. When the chapter is about the experience of parenting itself, the family system, or a parent who needs to be listened to. Particularly strong for bullying and for the parent who is holding things together at the edge of their capacity. Family Lives confidential helpline 0808 800 2222 · Mon-Fri 9am-9pm; weekends 10am-3pm · Live chat Mon-Fri 10.30am-9pm; WhatsApp 07441 444125; email askus@familylives.org.uk www.familylives.org.uk
• Winston’s Wish, now part of Child Bereavement UK. The UK’s leading bereavement charity for children. The first signpost for any chapter where a child is grieving. Bereavement chapters where the focus is the child’s grief and how parents can hold them through it. The helpline is warm and unhurried. Merged into Child Bereavement UK · Now part of Child Bereavement UK. The line to ring is the Child Bereavement UK Helpline, 0800 02 888 40. winstonswish.org
• Macmillan Cancer Support. The UK’s most comprehensive cancer support charity. Their pages on talking to children and teenagers about a parent’s cancer are the cleanest age-calibrated guide we know. When a parent has just had a cancer diagnosis and is rehearsing how to tell the children, or when a household is in the middle of treatment and needs practical scaffolding. Also their nurse line for clinical questions during treatment. Macmillan Support Line 0808 808 00 00 · Every day 8am-8pm · Online chat at macmillan.org.uk; nurse line within the same number for clinical questions www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/diagnosis/talking-about-cancer/talking-to-children-and-teenagers
• Brook. The UK’s national charity for young people’s sexual health and wellbeing. Their RSE pages are the cleanest single source we know for puberty, periods, and age-appropriate sex education at home. When a parent is preparing for or holding a puberty conversation, when a question about sex has arrived in the back of the car, or when a school’s RSE curriculum has prompted a follow-up at home. www.brook.org.uk

If a parent is seriously ill

• Macmillan Cancer Support. The UK’s most comprehensive cancer support charity. Their pages on talking to children and teenagers about a parent’s cancer are the cleanest age-calibrated guide we know. When a parent has just had a cancer diagnosis and is rehearsing how to tell the children, or when a household is in the middle of treatment and needs practical scaffolding. Also their nurse line for clinical questions during treatment. Macmillan Support Line 0808 808 00 00 · Every day 8am-8pm · Online chat at macmillan.org.uk; nurse line within the same number for clinical questions www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/diagnosis/talking-about-cancer/talking-to-children-and-teenagers

If you are considering private therapy

Waiting lists are long. If you can meet the cost, a registered therapist can usually be seen in weeks rather than months. Both registers below are accredited by the Professional Standards Authority, which is the thing to check before anything else.

• BACP Therapist Directory. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy’s public register. Search by area, by what you are bringing, and by whether the therapist works with children. www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists
• NCPS Therapist Directory. The National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society’s register. Every therapist listed is qualified, supervised, insured, and accountable to a code of ethics. ncps.com/find-a-counsellor
• Kensington Square Therapy. Our own practice. We work with children, young people and parents, in the room at 23 Kensington Square, online, and inside schools we partner with. www.kst.ltd

What to look for in a therapist, what a first session is like, and the questions worth asking before you commit, are set out at theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist

Everything else

The full directory, across every subject, is at theparentbook.com/services. If a number here has changed, please tell us at hello@theparentbook.com and we will correct it.