Bereavement

Where to start

For almost everything, the NHS is the right first move, and it costs nothing.

• Your child’s school. The pastoral lead, the head of year, or the form tutor. Free, already knows your child, and often the fastest route to a change that helps. Before or alongside anything else. A school cannot act on what it has not been told, and what you bring is often what it did not have.
• Your GP. The gateway to everything the NHS offers a child: paediatric assessment, a referral to CAMHS, and support for you as the parent. Ask for a double appointment. Describe the pattern over weeks rather than the worst single day, and say plainly what you are worried about. Bring a written list; the ten minutes go quickly. www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-gp
• Private therapy, if you can meet the cost. A registered counsellor or psychotherapist, found through the BACP or NCPS directories. Waiting lists are shorter than the NHS and you choose who your child sits with. When waiting is the problem, or when you want a particular kind of help. What to look for, and what to expect, is set out at theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist

For bereavement

• Winston’s Wish, now part of Child Bereavement UK. The UK’s leading bereavement charity for children. The first signpost for any chapter where a child is grieving. Bereavement chapters where the focus is the child’s grief and how parents can hold them through it. The helpline is warm and unhurried. Merged into Child Bereavement UK · Now part of Child Bereavement UK. The line to ring is the Child Bereavement UK Helpline, 0800 02 888 40. winstonswish.org
• Child Bereavement UK. Bereavement support for families where a child has died, and for grieving children up to 25. Bereavement chapters where the death is of a baby or a parent, or where the family system as a whole is grieving. Complementary to Winston’s Wish; they hold slightly different territory. Child Bereavement UK helpline 0800 02 888 40 · Mon-Fri 8am-8pm, except bank holidays · Live chat and email via website www.childbereavementuk.org
• Cruse Bereavement Support. The UK’s largest bereavement charity. The right line for the parent who is grieving alongside her child, or for the family navigating suicide-bereavement or the loss of a grandparent who was structurally part of the parenting. Bereavement tips and chapters where the parent’s own grief is in the room alongside the child’s, and the family needs a UK helpline staffed by people trained in complex loss. Cruse’s suicide-bereavement training is particularly strong; their volunteer helpline staff are calibrated for that conversation in ways general grief lines are not. Cruse Bereavement Support National Helpline 0808 808 1677 · Mon, Wed, Thu, Fri 9.30am-5pm; Tue 1pm-8pm · Email, online chat, and local-branch face-to-face support via cruse.org.uk www.cruse.org.uk

If the death was a pet

• Blue Cross Pet Loss Support. The UK’s specialist pet bereavement support service. The right line for the family whose beloved pet has died and where the child’s grief is being met as the real grief it is. Quick tips and chapters where a pet has died and the family is holding the loss as a first significant bereavement in a child’s life. Volunteers have themselves experienced pet bereavement and complete eight weeks of accredited training. The line has been running for thirty years. Pet Loss Support 0800 096 6606 · Every day 8.30am-8.30pm · Webchat and email via bluecross.org.uk/pet-loss; Facebook support group; trained volunteer responders who have themselves experienced pet bereavement. www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-loss

If a parent or close adult is seriously ill

• Macmillan Cancer Support. The UK’s most comprehensive cancer support charity. Their pages on talking to children and teenagers about a parent’s cancer are the cleanest age-calibrated guide we know. When a parent has just had a cancer diagnosis and is rehearsing how to tell the children, or when a household is in the middle of treatment and needs practical scaffolding. Also their nurse line for clinical questions during treatment. Macmillan Support Line 0808 808 00 00 · Every day 8am-8pm · Online chat at macmillan.org.uk; nurse line within the same number for clinical questions www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/diagnosis/talking-about-cancer/talking-to-children-and-teenagers

If the death was by suicide

• Cruse Bereavement Support. The UK’s largest bereavement charity. The right line for the parent who is grieving alongside her child, or for the family navigating suicide-bereavement or the loss of a grandparent who was structurally part of the parenting. Bereavement tips and chapters where the parent’s own grief is in the room alongside the child’s, and the family needs a UK helpline staffed by people trained in complex loss. Cruse’s suicide-bereavement training is particularly strong; their volunteer helpline staff are calibrated for that conversation in ways general grief lines are not. Cruse Bereavement Support National Helpline 0808 808 1677 · Mon, Wed, Thu, Fri 9.30am-5pm; Tue 1pm-8pm · Email, online chat, and local-branch face-to-face support via cruse.org.uk www.cruse.org.uk
• Papyrus. Specialist suicide prevention for under-35s. HopeLine 24/7 belongs in both the sidebar and the standing crisis block whenever the chapter touches suicidal ideation. Any chapter where suicidal ideation in a young person is live or possible. The 24-hour line is one of the most important numbers in the library. Charged at your standard call rate, not free. HopeLine 24/7 0300 102 2470 · 24/7, every day www.papyrus-uk.org/help-me/hopeline-24-7

If you are considering private therapy

Waiting lists are long. If you can meet the cost, a registered therapist can usually be seen in weeks rather than months. Both registers below are accredited by the Professional Standards Authority, which is the thing to check before anything else.

• BACP Therapist Directory. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy’s public register. Search by area, by what you are bringing, and by whether the therapist works with children. www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists
• NCPS Therapist Directory. The National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society’s register. Every therapist listed is qualified, supervised, insured, and accountable to a code of ethics. ncps.com/find-a-counsellor
• Kensington Square Therapy. Our own practice. We work with children, young people and parents, in the room at 23 Kensington Square, online, and inside schools we partner with. www.kst.ltd

What to look for in a therapist, what a first session is like, and the questions worth asking before you commit, are set out at theparentbook.com/finding-a-therapist

Everything else

The full directory, across every subject, is at theparentbook.com/services. If a number here has changed, please tell us at hello@theparentbook.com and we will correct it.